Falling into self-compassion

The difficulty of practicing self-compassion is that it requires you to believe that you're deserving of unconditional love when you don't feel, think, or believe that you deserve it. 

In order to fully receive self-compassion, you have to believe that you're worthy of it.  And to believe that you're worthy of self-love and compassion (when you know that you are an imperfect being) requires faith that what God says about you is truer than your experiences and reality. And the difficulty of faith... 

Is that it requires letting go of everything that gives you comfort and safety.

(Your sense of control, power, reason, wit, intellect... pride.)

So we grow in self-compassion not by intellectual reasoning or mental strength, but by our ability to repeatedly give up and fall into love.

For falling is like faith, in that it isn't a display of intelligence, it's a matter of trust and the ability to let go mentally and spiritually into love.

So you can think and ponder and debate for years your worthiness of love... but, if self-compassion truly is your goal, eventually, you will just have to give in and close your eyes, step out onto the edge of your fear...

and fall.

Re-thinking "triggers"

What does it mean when you’re triggered? Does it really mean the same thing every time?

Being “triggered," or compulsive, or tempted do something relieving that you know will harm you negatively in the long run is an undeniable sign that you’re under some form of distress and discomfort. 

When we’re triggered, tempted, and compulsive, it’s always because our brain wants to escape or find relief from something.

So the immediate question to always ask is...

What from?

Amazon packages

Imagine...

You arrive at your house, notice a new package on your doorstep, see that it's from Amazon, and then...

you never open it. 

Your curiosity would kill you trying this.

But it's what we do to our hearts, minds, and emotions every day when we encounter an emotion but never slow down enough to try to unpackage or understand it. 

Sadness.  Anger.  Anxiety.  Pain.  Shame... They're all "packages" waiting to be opened with wonder and curiosity.

And they're opened with one small, curious question:

Why?

Why... am I sad?
Why... am I upset?
Why... am I mad?

Why... do I feel the way I do?

Why boredom hurts

From the outside looking in, when you're bored, nothing is happening, but because silence and stillness gives space for our insecurities and pains to magnify, we often interpret our boredom in a negative way by interpreting our stillness as...

“I’m insignificant.” 

"I'm alone."

“I’m wasting time.” 

"I'm unwanted."

“I should be doing...” 

“I would rather be somewhere else...” 

“I wish I was doing...” 

"I'm a boring person."

"I'm missing out."

"I'm not doing I enough."

These internal messages are created not by our situation, but by us. And when these perceptions form our reality, we call it "boredom."  Therefore, boredom is a form of self-inflicted pain, and such is the reason people resist being bored.

And whenever boredom becomes a problem, it's typically because we've given these voices permission to shape the way we perceive ourselves (as worthless, insignificant, boring, slow, vain, etc.).

So we're never uncomfortable because of our boring situation, we're uncomfortable because of what we believe boredom says about who we are.

Self-Awareness, Consciousness, and Internal Awareness

The difference between an instinctive reaction and a conscious thought is seen between:

1) Verbally lashing out at someone in a reactive fit of anger or rage and
2) Consciously saying to yourself, "I have so much anger towards them within me, I really want to yell at this person right now."

One is reactive and the other is a conscious thought.

Consciousness is where freedom begins because rather than allowing our impulses to govern our decisions, consciousness allows us to take a step back within ourselves to engage and become intimate with the impulses, desires, and underlying emotions that we find within us. 

The enneagram calls this practice internal awareness.  Self-help and business books call it self-awareness.  What’s important is not what we call it, but that we practice regularly becoming present within ourselves and consciously inquiring how our emotions are affecting us.

The practice of self-awareness alone won’t cure a strong compulsive habit, but it is the starting point of transformation because you can't seek to change what you do not first see and understand.