Why boredom hurts

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From the outside looking in, when you're bored, nothing is happening, but because silence and stillness gives space for our insecurities and pains to magnify, we often interpret our boredom in a negative way by interpreting our stillness as...

“I’m insignificant.” 

"I'm alone."

“I’m wasting time.” 

"I'm unwanted."

“I should be doing...” 

“I would rather be somewhere else...” 

“I wish I was doing...” 

"I'm a boring person."

"I'm missing out."

"I'm not doing I enough."

These internal messages are created not by our situation, but by us. And when these perceptions form our reality, we call it "boredom."  Therefore, boredom is a form of self-inflicted pain, and such is the reason people resist being bored.

And whenever boredom becomes a problem, it's typically because we've given these voices permission to shape the way we perceive ourselves (as worthless, insignificant, boring, slow, vain, etc.).

So we're never uncomfortable because of our boring situation, we're uncomfortable because of what we believe boredom says about who we are.

Self-Awareness, Consciousness, and Internal Awareness

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The difference between an instinctive reaction and a conscious thought is seen between:

1) Verbally lashing out at someone in a reactive fit of anger or rage and
2) Consciously saying to yourself, "I have so much anger towards them within me, I really want to yell at this person right now."

One is reactive and the other is a conscious thought.

Consciousness is where freedom begins because rather than allowing our impulses to govern our decisions, consciousness allows us to take a step back within ourselves to engage and become intimate with the impulses, desires, and underlying emotions that we find within us. 

The enneagram calls this practice internal awareness.  Self-help and business books call it self-awareness.  What’s important is not what we call it, but that we practice regularly becoming present within ourselves and consciously inquiring how our emotions are affecting us.

The practice of self-awareness alone won’t cure a strong compulsive habit, but it is the starting point of transformation because you can't seek to change what you do not first see and understand.

What is trauma?

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What happens to the brain of a boy when his parents get a divorce? 

Or when one of his parents abuses the other? 

Or if the child doesn't receive enough emotional nurturement while growing up?

Medical and mental health professionals are discovering that when a child experiences pain (or an "Adverse Childhood Experience" or ACE, according to this study), a child’s brain will naturally attempt to protect him or her from physical and emotional pain by instinctively shutting down or “turning off.”

This shutting down is a natural defense mechanism, as the brain is hardwired to help us survive.  In such circumstances, the brain is seeking to momentarily protect us.  However, when it shuts down, it does so in the regions of the brain that handle impulse control, emotions, and dopamine levels... and if the brain is forced to shut down done frequently enough over an extended period of time, it holds long-term health repercussions for the brain as it develops into an adult. 

This damage to the brain is referred to as trauma. And trauma often leads to problems with emotions, compulsive behavior, and issues with dopamine levels because the more pain a person experiences, the more brain damage one may have.

Thus, trauma isn't something that happens to you, it's something that happens inside of you. 




[do note: as we saw in the last post, trauma is normal, it's never anyone's fault, it's a natural human response to pain, and therefore, nothing to be ashamed of, and most importantly: trauma can be healed.]

Trauma is... normal?

Yes.  According to a study on over 17,000 middle-class Americans that researched the effects of 10 distinct categories of emotionally and physically painful experiences on children - including, divorce and parental separation, emotional neglect, the death of a parent, and so on (you can read the other 7 here)...

50% of adults tested for having experienced a traumatic event in their childhood. (HALF!)

Almost 40% tested for having two traumatic experiences.

12.5% tested for experiencing 4 or more.

Therefore, trauma is unfortunately not rare for children, it's normal.

So if you experienced pain in your past that left you wounded, know that you are not alone, your past is nothing to be ashamed of, and you are deserving and capable of healing.