We will never know how long it will take for you to get where you want to go. What set of truths you still have to find. How far you must search to gain the freedom you seek. What tomorrow will bring. How much it will cost. How much pain is still left inside of you to work through. What the correct order of action is...
There is no set path back to yourself.
But don't let this discourage you.
In the soul, we make our way by walking.
One step at a time....
Welcome to today.
Our “true self”
One of the worst parts about struggling with fits of anger or looking at porn on Instagram over and over despite how much you want to stop isn’t actually the act, it’s the shame and pain that follows. The shame and pain that you continually can’t escape.
The pain from being disappointed in yourself again and, maybe, disappointing someone you love. The shame for feeling AGAIN like a failure. Like this fight is hopeless...
Here’s a thought that is helpful to remember amidst our free falls into darkness:
The emotions and mistakes that you regret and experience do not make up the full picture of "who" or "what" you are, they are simply experiences that you are having.
You may feel angry, but you yourself are not the anger. You may feel ashamed for what you’ve done, but you yourself are not the shame. You may feel tempted and pulled to look at porn, but you are not your longing. Inside, you are a being, made not of matter, or a "noun", or an emotion or thought, but you are something that is. You are a source and energy that is eternal, that the Divine is never pried from, called a spirit.
Yes... sometimes, we lose our way. Or more specifically, we lose our connection to who- or what- we truly are.
But we can always return home.
Even today.
We can always return to the presence within us that is unexpectedly awaiting our return.
If we would but only take a moment to quiet our restless minds, breathe, and listen.
Transforming & renewing your mind
It’s easy to become irritated and to feel ashamed for the unwanted thoughts that run through our minds on a daily basis.
Especially when we’ve been influenced by our religion to protect ourselves from such “dark” thoughts and feelings. Many of us were even taught that growth, freedom, and transformation comes by ridding ourselves of these kind thoughts and feelings. After all, Paul even said in Romans that transformation comes by the renewing of the mind...
But unbeknownst to many, when Paul talked about transforming ourselves in Romans, he wasn’t just talking about changing what thoughts go through our head. For one, most of our thoughts are formed by forces we’re hardly even aware of, memories we don’t even remember, and the random, often uncontrollable, circumstantial stimulus around us on a daily basis. So transformation is not brought about by mental power nor force, instead, it is rather a masterpiece formed by a string of acts, sometimes across decades, of soul work that echoes from the depths of a man's soul.
For to truly renew your mind, you must go far beyond your rational ways of thinking by making space to search and listen to what is hiding behind the fog of your imagination, dig up old memories, listen to your dreams, face your shadows, look at the parts of yourself that are uncomfortable and perplexing, and seek to see yourself more clearly as you bravely face what terrifies you.
As time goes on, you will find more self-clarity and insight than you ever thought possible, and you will realize the importance of inviting Love in to reshape everything that you find within you. This includes bringing God into your nightmares and traumas. Your memories and shames. Your perceived truths. Everything must be let go of, all the way down to the very framework that holds your entire world together.
This is why the renewing of the mind is an extensive and exhaustive journey, for to truly change and be reborn, no part of ones body, spirit, soul, or mind can be left behind... It will cost us all that we psychologically fear letting go of, for to search for a new truth requires the laying down of an old one as we explore other alternatives. Yes, even the false beliefs that have protected and brought us comfort must too must be cast aside... for a time, you will feel exposed, naked, and unprotected, but this is a necessary process, the dying to live, as Jesus spoke of.
And what other choice do we have? To stay living in shrouded darkness amidst a bed of lies, shielded from pain and danger, fragmented from our own souls, distant from the truth, and to live as a foreigner of love?
This is what most do....
But it’s not living. Nor is it free.
You know you were made for more. That you were made to be fierce and dangerous. To face the darkness and charge mountains.
You were made for to transform and push toward all that you can become.
This is your invitation.
This is your path to heaven.
Lifelong transformation
It’s easy to become irritated and to feel ashamed for the unwanted thoughts that run through our minds on a daily basis.
Especially when we’ve been influenced by our religion to protect ourselves from such “dark” thoughts and feelings. Or when we were taught that it's by ridding ourselves of these thoughts and feelings that we grow, find freedom, and become "reborn."
A large part of this worldview was formed by Paul's verse in Romans stating that transformation comes by the renewing of the mind... But unbeknownst to many, when Paul talked about transforming the mind in Romans, he wasn’t just talking about changing what thoughts go through our head. After all, most of our thoughts are formed by forces we’re hardly even aware of, memories we don’t even remember, and the random, often uncontrollable, circumstantial stimulus around us on a daily basis. So transformation is not brought about by mental power nor force, instead, it is rather a masterpiece formed by a string of acts, sometimes across decades, of soul work that echoes from the depths of a man's soul.
For to truly renew your mind, you must go far beyond your rational ways of thinking by making space to search and listen to what is hiding behind the fog of your imagination, dig up old memories, listen to your dreams, face your shadows, look at the parts of yourself that are uncomfortable and perplexing, and seek to see yourself more clearly as you bravely face what terrifies you.
As time goes on, you will find more self-clarity and insight than you ever thought possible, and you will realize the importance of inviting Love in with you as you reshape everything that you find. This includes bringing God into your nightmares and traumas. Your memories and shames. Your perceived truths. As you seek to be renewed, everything must be let go of, all the way down to the very framework that holds your entire world together.
This is why the renewing of the mind is an extensive and exhaustive journey, for to truly change and be reborn, no part of one's body, spirit, soul, or mind can be left behind... It will cost us all that we psychologically fear letting go of, for to search for a new truth requires the laying down of an old one as we explore other alternatives. Yes, even the false beliefs and personality traits that have protected and brought us comfort must too be cast aside... for a time, you will feel exposed, naked, and unprotected, but this is a necessary process, the dying to live, as Jesus spoke of.
And what other choice do we have? To stay living in shrouded darkness amidst a bed of lies, shielded from pain and danger, fragmented from our own souls, distant from the truth, and to live as a foreigner of love?
This is what most do....
But it’s not living. Nor is it free.
You know you were made for more. That you were made to be fierce and dangerous. To face the darkness and charge mountains.
You were made to transform and push toward all that you can become.
This is your invitation.
This is your path to heaven.
Creating space and energy for psychological work
Over the past couple of weeks, many of my new clients have entered my office feeling burned out, overwhelmed with responsibilities, and heavily disconnected from themselves and God.
After taking the time together to figure out why, it was clear that one major issue is they had basic needs that were simply just not being regularly met- like eating fresh food consistently, getting enough sleep, or intentionally taking time to slow down every day to journal and connect to their heart. It was leaving them feeling emotionally and physically whip lashed.
It sounds like a simple solution though, right?
But what was so frustrating for these men is this wasn't the first time they've been stuck here. They wanted to reach for more (and rightfully so!). They wanted to push for who they could be. They wanted to do something remarkable, worthwhile, and daring... but care for themselves? Again, they wanted to be more. And it’s true, they could be. But unfortunately, taking care of their basic needs was a mountain they had yet to conquer.
As I thought upon the situation further, I realized that what often happens to us men is we get so trapped in the struggle of trying to take care of ourselves consistently that we never find the space, health, or energy needed for the psychological work we desire to do.
And before we know it, a decade goes by without making any lasting changes. And maybe even another. It's sad and it happens far too often. But it doesn't have to be this way. This is why if we truly want to reach for our potential, our basic needs must be prioritized. According to the research, it's a non-negotiable to becoming who you were made to be.
Maybe you feel like you've been neglecting to care for yourself, you know it's holding you back, and this resonates with you...
If so, try to take the next three months to prep for battle and get your life in order. Make your bed daily. Clean your room. Wake up early, guard your sleep, and don't stay up unnecessarily late. Take care of yourself like you would a friend. Make a plan and schedule your week. It's ok to take the next three months to focus on your physical health just as long as you know this is only the beginning... And make the changes you want to make today. Not tomorrow. For tomorrow will morph into six months before you know it. Schedule a session with me. Or with a nutritional therapist (if you need referrals I have plenty). Start buying healthier groceries. Go to a workout class with a friend. Journal daily. Try something, anything new.
You know you were made to fly, to reach for more, to be all that you could be.
But first, rest up, eat, and sharpen your sword...
No warrior intentionally walks into war unprepared.