Not having all the answers

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." - Step one of Alcoholics Anonymous

Chances are, you’re not an alcoholic.  However, to be vulnerable to pride is something we all are.

And with pride often comes denial, because as humans, we love to deny our problems and suffering.

Studies tell us that our minds naturally resist what brings us discomfort, and thinking about our problems is undoubtedly uncomfortable, which is why step one of Alcoholics Anonymous is a confession of powerlessness.  Yes, in the context of the original writing it pertains to alcohol, but the underlying principle is more so about confessing to yourself that you are laying down your pride- because without humility and honesty, we live in denial and hide from the truth of our painful reality.

So step one of recovery is not about admitting that you're powerless to a substance or a disfunction, it's about admitting TO YOURSELF that you need help, and that your best strategies and aspirations have not freed you and provided you with the liberty you sought out, despite your best efforts.

So, alcoholic or not, we have to admit...

We don't have all the answers.

And that is ok. 

(This is why we have each other.)

Emotional resiliency

Possessing emotional resiliency is not faking it till you make it.

Or ignoring, denying, or hiding from what you feel.

Or numbing out to make it through hard times.

Or living in denial to avoid what is true, or what may hurt.

Emotional resiliency (or emotional maturity) is focusing on listening to and taking care of your heart when it matters most.

Which is today. 

This hour. 

Right this very second. 

There will never be a better day to care for your heart than this one.

So genuinely, how are you doing? 

What does your heart need?

How are you doing at taking care of yourself today?

Writing an annual review

The new year is approaching, which means that many people will begin assessing their new year resolutions and looking ahead at the next year in a couple weeks.  But before you do that and lose sight of 2018, knowing that many of you journal, I wanted to share an exercise that I do every year in my own journal that I thought might be enjoyable and meaningful.

I first got the idea from Chris Guillebeau five years ago, and the reason I do it is because it helps me to not only document life for future reference, but also, to revisit and reflect on what was meaningful, what I learned, and what I overcame throughout the past year. 

I'm finding that purpose is something that you must ponder and steward, and that one of the most practical ways to do such a thing is through exercises like this one that push you to consciously think through your life in a useful way.

So, to conduct an annual review, all you do is journal through these 6 questions:

1) What went well this year?

2) What did not go well this year?

3) What were the major lessons that I learned this year?

4) What goals do I have for next year?

5) What Bible verse or word from God carried me through the year?

My annual bonus question:

6) What were my favorite songs and albums from this year? (Luckily, Spotify helps me with this one now by creating the playlist for me, but this is always a fun one to look back on. Feel free to make up your own fun questions (like top movies, restaurants, etc.)

I've been doing this simple exercise since 2014, and it's a great way to measure what is working and what isn’t across time, to ponder what to focus on more, and to meditate on what you're orienting your life around and toward.  

Next year at this time, I promise you that you will be glad you reviewed and documented your year.  And two years from now, you will be twice as glad.

Journaling is an investment into your future self, and I've never met someone who regretted doing it.

Happy reviewing,

When you heal

As individuals, our greatest weakness is likely linked to our emotions, like our pain, shame, anger, and fear.

Because within pain can grow sadness or anger.  And from sadness and anger can rise revenge and depression.

Shame can create hopelessness and isolation, and from hopelessness and isolation, can rise depression and suicide.

The list of negative emotional reactions that people can have to such emotions are endless, and the list of negative outcomes when people isolate, lash out in anger, or use pride to cover their insecurity is also endless.

The media and politicians won’t tell you this, but as a society and country, when we look at our school shootings, suicide rates, and substance abuse issues, our emotional and mental health problems are likely our greatest problem of all.

So be wary not to overlook how much you contribute to your society by simply taking ownership of and confronting the darkness and wounds within you.

Because when you heal, we all heal.

Releasing locked up tears

You know that you have tears locked away inside that you can’t force out.  You may not remember the last time you cried.  Or even what it feels like to cry....

But you want to.

The only option then, if you're unaware of how to let your tears out, is to practice becoming aware of when your heart needs/wants to cry.

If we’re not capable of forcing out our tears, the only choice is to wait and mentally prepare for when they need to come.

So the next time the moment is right, and you feel the emotions and tears rising...

Close your eyes. Open your heart. And let go. 

Regardless of where you are.

For some, the tears may not come on the first try, or even the second.  But keep trying.

The tides of grief and pain always come back around.