One of the worst parts about struggling with fits of anger or looking at porn on Instagram over and over despite how much you want to stop isn’t actually the act, it’s the shame and pain that follows. The shame and pain that you continually can’t escape.
The pain from being disappointed in yourself again and, maybe, disappointing someone you love. The shame for feeling AGAIN like a failure. Like this fight is hopeless...
Here’s a thought that is helpful to remember amidst our free falls into darkness:
The emotions and mistakes that you regret and experience do not make up the full picture of "who" or "what" you are, they are simply experiences that you are having.
You may feel angry, but you yourself are not the anger. You may feel ashamed for what you’ve done, but you yourself are not the shame. You may feel tempted and pulled to look at porn, but you are not your longing. Inside, you are a being, made not of matter, or a "noun", or an emotion or thought, but you are something that is. You are a source and energy that is eternal, that the Divine is never pried from, called a spirit.
Yes... sometimes, we lose our way. Or more specifically, we lose our connection to who- or what- we truly are.
But we can always return home.
Even today.
We can always return to the presence within us that is unexpectedly awaiting our return.
If we would but only take a moment to quiet our restless minds, breathe, and listen.